MARRIAGE

Do you think happy marriages are hard to come by these days?

With a little hard work and commitment this phenomenon is definitely possible. We bring you tips to get you started

Marriage is definitely not for the faint-hearted, and it is a serious responsibility which can be undertaken by mature individuals. For those who have decided to jump the boundary and get into the eternal bond of matrimony, you must realize that it takes much more than love to build a strong bond. You can't just be a receiver; concentrate on giving as well. Be a part of each others joys and sorrows. Here are few secrets which will help you make your marriage a pleasant and heart-warming experience.

Listen to your heart

What might work for someone else, may not work for you. Only those in a marriage can judge it. There is no 'happiness touchstone' upon which to measure yourself—so look into your heart rather than listening to others when deciding whether it's working for you or not.

Honesty and trust

Honesty is indeed the best policy. Tell your partner everything. After all, you are a part of each other. You live for each other as well. Absolute truthfulness may sound like a shocking idea to most people, but being truthful is important because it helps you strengthen the bond. And you both can look up to each other under any circumstances.

Good sex

The sex life you both enjoy with each other is good, and you do it often. But don't let it become a routine thing. Bring in some innovation, each time you are with each other. A bit of foreplay before the actual act of intercourse may help you strike the right chord.

Friendship and loyalty

A happy marriage is made up of little things, the details which brick in your love. Friendship forms a very important part. This is because it gets the comfort factor into your relationship, which is very essential. When friendship and marriage go hand in hand, it is indeed the best experience of your life.

Demand less

Relationships are more about giving than just receiving. Your spouse may not have the kind of patience you expect him/her to have. It is here that the compromising factor comes into the picture. Be vocal about what you feel, but don't put your partner in a spot of bother.

Always be protective about your relationship and work on your marital relationship every day.

PARENTING

Got a problem child?

With the rise in the level of crime in the city among the youth, most of which is caused due to substance abuse, it is about time parents learn to recognise symptoms of whether their child shows signs of behavioural problems or substance abuse. The following is a list of symptoms and a guide to proper treatment according to counselling psychologist Deepti Makhija (who runs a private practice in Andheri, Mumbai), in case your child is abusing a substance or suffers from problematic behaviour.

SYMPTOMS OF BEHAVIOURAL PROBLEMS

•  Demanding and selfish attitude

•  Refusal to go to school and very often skipping school

•  Disregard for rules, responsibilities and family functioning

•  Social withdrawal and isolation

•  Destructive, threatening or violent behaviour

•  Stealing or thefts

•  Self-destructive or suicidal behaviour

•  Poor hygiene and grooming

• Emotionally unstable behaviour such as anxiousness, feeling ‘low', low motivation levels, low self-esteem.

SYMPTOMS OF ADDICTIONS

•  Obsessive preoccupation with the addiction — constant thoughts about sex, gambling, mobile, drugs, etc and ways to indulge in them

•  Setting aside time and money for these activities — in short all their energy is directed towards the addiction

•  Loss of control — feeling unable to give up

•  Unexplainable sadness or moodiness when not engaged in the addiction

•  Dishonesty with regard to addiction — lying about time and money spent on these activities

•  Loss of boundaries or inhibition — spending more money and showing no fear in experimenting.

THE TREATMENT

Help begins at home — parents and family members can have the most powerful impact on a child's behaviour, attitude and general approach towards life. Children are persuaded and impressed by the people they spend the most time with and the people who matter the most. Therefore, it becomes mandatory that correction begins at home. The question that arises now, is how to help?

•  The key to this lies in three magic words — communication, communication and more communication!!! Yes it's true; parents can inculcate this habit right from childhood by talking to their children about day to day events

•  If you suspect that your child is taking drugs, consult a doctor and make them join a rehabilitation programme

•  Young adults don't respond well to orders, the key lies in negotiation

•  Because of their relative immaturity they may be completely irritable. Don't use this as an opportunity to put your child down by showing your superior knowledge or debating skills, just keep communication lines open

•  Introduce your child to a variety of pursuits, such as theatre, art galleries, football matches and even dance classes. If this sounds boring take an active interest in their activities; this way you can spend some quality time together and they will see that there is a wide variety of activities and interests in life

•  Be an example for your child, watch your own  smoking and drinking habits, talk less on the mobile. First set limits for yourself then for your child

•  Focus on developing your child's self-esteem. The higher the self-esteem the better they are able to cope with temporary problems.

*  Help begins at home — parents and family members can have the most powerful impact on a child's behaviour, attitude and general approach towards life
— Deepti Makhija (Counselling Psychologist)